| But I can't anymore. No time.
In the mean time if anyone is interested in what I've been up to lately, my more professional blog featuring my artwork can be found here
Adios!
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| I'm falling in love with pullups. You don't want this happening to you.
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| For the past 5 months I've had trouble getting a decent night's rest. Somtimes I do get my 8 hours or more, but most of my time in slumber have been marred by dreams that really bring me down when I wakeup. While normally dreams consist of recent events that have had an impact on you, mine have mainly been comprised of the happier times in my life in the past half decade combined with all the worries that I've had leading up to that really unpleasant time I had this past August. A time that really left a mark on me, but I don't really talk about much because I try to tell myself that I am stronger than that. But I'm starting to realize that I am not. I really want to really, and I mean, REALLY get what I've been feeling off my chest. But I can't because I am unsure of who I should turn to in this moment. Everyone around me is in one form or another at their peak of happiness. Who am I to drag them down with my issues?
Recently these past events have crept up to me, in all unavoidable means. It's rather tough when everything around you reminds you of something precious you've once had. I've done almost everything to try to counter it|: Go out more; laugh more; work out until I break my body; stay busy with work. But there is a void that I have that I have yet to fill. There are times where I am tempted to fill it with temporary happiness, but knowing that it is merely temporary, I choose not to even bother because I'd rather ride the straight line of emptiness than be teased by a roller coasters of ups and downs.
I'm tired of being the nice guy. But I can't stop, because that is who I am.
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| Somehow this has turned into my blue page. Both metaphorically and literally. It's funny how my Xanga account has morphed so many times over the years.
I've always known that I laugh too much. Far too much. I laugh at everything. Sometimes at very inappropriate moments. I can't help it.
But lately upon coming across the things that makes me really sad, I end up running away and doing some really stupid stuff that my 26 year old body can't take anymore. No I don't drink. But I do jump off really high places, knowing my joints probably can't support this type of behavior anymore. I punch things, not so much out of anger, but out of the rush that comes over me, and the painful aftermath that covers up my true wounds. I do these idiotic things immediately upon thinking about the bad things I shouldn't think I about. Oddly enough I also laugh really hard when I do it. Pretty psychotic stuff no?
It's been said that sometimes people laugh to cover up their sadness. I laugh too much. Especially on my own when no one is around. I wonder if this is the case. I hope I'm not going insane. I'm really serious.
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| When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part |
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